[RPG] [BT][Rio] Delvin Anaris ~ Frustration and Exhaustion

[Timothy Collett]

Delvin collapses into a chair in his rooms in the mostly-vacant  
lord's manor in Ajitmon, his breath whooshing out of him in a great  
sigh.  After several hours of yelling at clerks who simply refused to  
allow simple administrative matters to go through, and eventually  
getting them to acquiesce purely by being louder and more tenacious,  
it's very good to just sit and relax in the quiet.

Gods, I'm tired, he thinks.  It's been so long...this stupid war...I  
wanted to help the whole continent be free of Enweil's oppressive  
influence; now I can't even help my own realm fight its way past Luz  
de Bia!

He closes his eyes, leans back, and sighs sadly.  Why is it that  
people not only want to see the worst in others, but refuse to see it  
in themselves...

Well, Mr. Perfect Prime Minister, and what about yourself, hmm?  Do  
you have no flaws, then? a voice from the back of his mind jeers.  A  
self-mocking laugh escapes Delvin's lips.

I?  I am bending the truth to my people, desperately trying to stay  
in office because I fear that if I give my detractors an inch, they  
will take the whole realm, and, in trying to keep everyone happy,  
they will simply destroy it.  Though Luz de Bia will probably get  
there first...whether or not I'm in charge, at the rate they're going.

And though what I do is for the best, is truly for Riombara, I wonder  
how many believe that...and how many think that I'm just in this for  
myself?  For glory, for power, for I don't know what...

He surges up out of the chair.  "Gods!" he bursts out.  "Why can't  
people do things for the good of all?  Or at least believe that  
someone might want to!"  He starts pacing the room in extreme  
agitation, finally starting to let out all the frustration he has  
felt through the past weeks of recriminations.  "Why does everyone  
else on Beluaterra seem to want to grab all the land they can, and  
their neighbours be damned?  Why can't anyone be content with a  
reasonable lot in life?  Gods, even my own people wanted me to take  
more land, right up to the beginning of the war!  Can't it be enough  
to have a good tax rate and a defensible realm?  Why don't they  
believe I know what I'm doing?  And why do they think I have an  
agenda other than the good of Riombara, and beyond that, the good of  
everyone on Beluaterra?  Why can't they believe that not only do I  
know what I'm doing, but I'm doing it for them?!"  He pounds his fist  
against the wall, his face twisted with anguish and grief.  All at  
once, the anger drains out of him, and he sags, catching himself on  
the nearby bedpost.

"Is it so hard to believe that I'm trying to do the right thing?"  He  
pulls himself over to the bed and sits on it.  A tear trickles down  
one cheek.  Why are people so greedy?  Why do they hate?  Why do they  
hate me?

He puts his face in his hands.  Gods, I'm tired.  He flops down on  
his back on the bed and just lies there for several minutes, eyes  
closed, sadness etched in every line of his face.

At length, though, he sets his jaw in a determined line.  But the  
work isn't done.  I must persevere until my people are safe...or  
until they cast me out.

Until then, they may not want me, but I believe they do need me.

--

"The only thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart."
  ~ Miles Naismith Vorkosigan

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